21 October 2009

Lady Sings the Blues

Of late, I feel like my life is crashing down around me or at least that I'm teetering on the edge of an abyss.


About 18 months ago, I took a voluntary 'demotion' (plus pay cut) and had my job reclassified as an administrative position. The company was acquired by another last year and about a month ago we learned that our department was being absorbed into the corporate company. My job as it currently exists will cease to be and I will have some of the duties that I had before and felt I was underqualified/untrained to do adequately.

Along with this reclassification, I no longer report to the same person - instead, I am reporting to a colleague based in our UK office. I voiced my concerns to both my old manager and new manager and only hope that I can get the training I need to do what is expected of me. If not, then I'll have to explore other options either within the organization or outside. I like the company (and people) as a whole - I've been there 7+ years. I don't really want to have to find another job as I have a generous vacation allowance now which I wouldn't get anywhere else.

While this change won't happen overnight, I am already a bit nervous. The last thing I want to do is be looking for a new job in this current market.


On the home front, I feel as though I've neglected friends and family for too long. Money's tight to say the least and I've cut back on doing a lot things. I miss hanging out with my (sorority) sisters on a regular basis and need to re-involve myself in alumnae chapter happenings.

I argue with my husband way too much too -- and not because I'm simply a bitch, but just because I am frustrated. I know I shouldn't take things out on him, but sometimes I react without thinking. I am working on that, though it's hard to break old ingrained habits.


My creative mojo went walkabout earlier this year. I have a room full of craft supplies (more than just beads), but no inspiration. I had hoped summer would cure that but it didn't. Now autumn, my favorite season, is upon us and while I glory in the colors of nature, that mojo still is nowhere to be found.


Despite all these stresses, I am lucky to have friends and family who love me and are there for me when I need a little hand-holding (or a martini). Just taking it one day at a time -- and even then, sometimes it's just hour-by-hour for me to be able to hold it together. Things will get better, right? There's always tomorrow.


Nic said...

It will get better,in times of stress, I keep repeating to myself 'this too will pass' - and eventually, it does.

I've been through numerous recessions, and the longest I've involuntarily been out of work was three months. For people like you - bright, motivated, capable - there are always opportunities, but sometimes you have to look in unexpected places :o)

Perhaps with your creative mojo, you need to move to a different craft - I'm knitting up a strm, but my stitching stash is pretty much gathering dust, compared to previous years!

Have a virtual cup of tea and a Caramel bar from over the pond and know that warm thoughts are coming your way!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

You're not alone, my friend.