Manasquan Dog Beach - 5/9/09
Originally uploaded by MarciNYC
I've been in a pissy mood for most of the day - Mother's Day annoys me to no end for a variety of reasons, the main one being that I'm not a mother except to my 'girls' here.
I've slowly come to terms with being child-free and recently realized just how much I like it. I'm able to pick up and go on vacation whenever I want, do whatever I want to do without having to work around a child's schedule, etc. Maybe that's a bit self-centered, but considering I'll be 42 in the fall, I'm okay with it.
At one time I desperately wanted children, but a series of events pretty much erased my chances. At this point, I don't feel like trying to have a baby, let alone adopt one. I'm too old and settled in my lifestyle to have a child cramp my style. Oh granted, one makes sacrifices, but I'm not willing to make them at this time. I like the life I have now and don't want to change a thing.
Today, Mother's Day, I've been thinking about the 'what ifs' too much rather than focusing on the good things in my life and it's put me in a shitty mood. I have a lovely house, a charming husband, and a wonderful menagerie of dogs and cats. I have a charmed life, even without children. But still, I wonder if the choices I made earlier in my life would have made me feel differently.
While moms across the country are being showered with cards/gifts and being wined and dined today, I'm sitting here having a pity party for myself. Why? I've got a charmed life - maybe not perfect, but it's good. Wondering if I'm not just a wee bit jealous?