10 May 2009

Mother's Day Ranting

Manasquan Dog Beach - 5/9/09
Originally uploaded by MarciNYC

I've been in a pissy mood for most of the day - Mother's Day annoys me to no end for a variety of reasons, the main one being that I'm not a mother except to my 'girls' here.

I've slowly come to terms with being child-free and recently realized just how much I like it. I'm able to pick up and go on vacation whenever I want, do whatever I want to do without having to work around a child's schedule, etc. Maybe that's a bit self-centered, but considering I'll be 42 in the fall, I'm okay with it.

At one time I desperately wanted children, but a series of events pretty much erased my chances. At this point, I don't feel like trying to have a baby, let alone adopt one. I'm too old and settled in my lifestyle to have a child cramp my style. Oh granted, one makes sacrifices, but I'm not willing to make them at this time. I like the life I have now and don't want to change a thing.

Today, Mother's Day, I've been thinking about the 'what ifs' too much rather than focusing on the good things in my life and it's put me in a shitty mood. I have a lovely house, a charming husband, and a wonderful menagerie of dogs and cats. I have a charmed life, even without children. But still, I wonder if the choices I made earlier in my life would have made me feel differently.

While moms across the country are being showered with cards/gifts and being wined and dined today, I'm sitting here having a pity party for myself. Why? I've got a charmed life - maybe not perfect, but it's good. Wondering if I'm not just a wee bit jealous?


Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Hey, you do important work, being mom to fur kids. Don't diminish that.

Plant Girl said...

We all make the decisions that best fit our lives. Even when we're 100% sure about those decisions there are times when that worm of doubt buries itself into our minds and make us think about the "what ifs".

I'm sorry that Mother's Day was tough for you. I understand how tough it can be and really wish the holiday didn't exist for a myriad of reasons.

Hugs to you, from out West.

photoadele said...

i understand completely.....

Stacey said...

Kids aren't for everyone--some days I question my sanity for having one! But I feel I'm jsut as much a mom to my four furry kids as I am to my one human one. And the furry ones shower you with love and affection every day--not just on Mother's Day. So you've got it pretty good! :) Happy Mother's Day, Marci.